So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
