just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
