I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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