You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had to cum in my sink.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
