let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize