Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize