I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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