Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
