your parents love me but you hate me
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
