do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
