Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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