at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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