put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
