I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
