get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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