we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
