Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently you make a good broom.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
