Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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