i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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