I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
