Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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