I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
