i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize