ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
