The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize