I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
