Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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