i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are two peas in an std pod
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
