So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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