I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
