i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
