I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
