My cat gives me a boner
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize