its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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