Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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