I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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