I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
