My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize