I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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