id be glad to
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
