i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
