If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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