I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
