when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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