I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
