Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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