I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize