i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize