i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
