The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
