honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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