it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
