Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
