i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
