I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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