even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
