We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
