vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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