Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
