SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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