$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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