There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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