Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
