True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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