I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
