I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
