he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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